Mother’s Day Madness Day 4

Queen for a Day!

Mother's Day Madness Day 4 PhotoThe Queen gets to be in charge…right?  So you get to make Mother’s Day the kind of day you want it to be!  What feels right to you?  Here’s what some of our friends have done.

Monica said she prefers to treat this day just like she would any other Sunday.  She’ll visit her mom on a different day. She’ll do some yoga or go on a walk.  She may spend some time with a friend or visit a family who considers her an honorary auntie.  For Monica, this is a difficult day.  Of course, every day is difficult, but it’s getting better and she’s working through it.  In her own quiet reflective way, she will make it a day of remembrance for Tyler and the life she enjoyed with him, just as she does every other day of the year.  (Tyler Dixon, 1991-2011)

This is Anne’s experience …My first Mother’s Day it was very important for me to NOT do what we normally did. I felt since it was going to be hard enough, I would do something completely different but still include Tony’s memory.  My other boys had an opportunity to do charity work in Vegas that weekend so off we went.  Saturday I spent the day in the spa, the boys at the charity event, and hubby in the casinos.  The next morning we all slept in and then headed off for a helicopter ride in the Grand Canyon.  None of us had ever been there before except for Tony on his 21st birthday.  We used the same company and stood on the same spot Tony did a few years before.  We toasted Tony and it felt right.  Now, I know this was a bit extravagant, but I would have been just as happy doing something else that Tony had loved.  Being where he was and doing something he had raved about brought the connection between us even deeper.   This year we are celebrating with my mom on Saturday night and then Sunday I will spend with my boys at a movie (Tony was in Film school and loved his movies)! (Tony Brown, 1985-2009)

Lisa shares her thoughts… Every year since Michael’s death I celebrate all that I have lost by understanding all that I had, and continue to have.  I understand gratitude in a way I never did before because I don’t have to imagine pain since it is my constant companion.  Every day is Mother’s Day for me and I never take a moment of my gratitude for granted.  Death has taught me to savor even the over blown commercial silly moments, and not everything needs to be so weighted down with intent because love is freeing and that is what Mother’s Day is about… celebrating the unconditional love we have for our children and they for us. (Michael Berry, 1991-2008)

Chris:  This is my story… The last time I saw my mom before she died was Mother’s Day 1991.  We were at church together. In the years following her death, I found that it was difficult to attend church on Mother’s Day, so you can imagine that it was even more difficult for me to think about going to church on Mother’s Day after Zack died.  Since then, my husband and I make an annual pilgrimage to the river where Zack was on the day that he died.  We bring flowers to toss into the river and we pay our respects.  We take a short walk on one of the trails, and then we have dinner in the rustic gold mining town of Nevada City.  I like to visit my favorite shops and pick out something that makes me think of Zack… sometimes it’s a Brighton bracelet or necklace that calls out to me when I’m browsing. (Zachary Harder, 1984-2006)

There are as many options as the stars in the sky!  And we each have our own reasons for the way we will spend our day.  The important thing is that we are intentional and plan for a day that we are comfortable with.

And never ever forget that YOU are in charge… because YOU are QUEEN FOR A DAY!

Chris Harder (With help from Monica Nunes, Anne Castaldo and Lisa Ford-Berry)

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